Boundaries and self care

"The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves.  We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us.  A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves.  That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us." ~ Robert Burney

Photography: Michael Harkavy, Photo editing: Peter Paradise Michaels

Besides their love of dance, most dancers also have a love for....a need to....perform. There's really nothing quite like a performance to help a dancer feel alive, energized, electric. But performing can also take a lot out of dancer too, especially if the dancer is older, injured, or carries a chronic illness. Overtraining or over- performing can eventually lead to increased fatigue, feeling burnt out, and might put dancers at an increased risk of injury.

Speaking for myself and my own challenges, Fibromyalgia requires that I take great care in how I utilize my workouts, as even when I'm not actively training, my muscles are in a constant state of achey/ soreness...as if I always have the flu, a flu that  never goes away. You see Fibromyalgia affects the way your muscles repair, (or rather don't repair), after a workout, and even the minute tears that occur if we are cleaning house, walking the dog, doing laundry, can cause pain and soreness. It also greatly affects the way most Fibro sufferers need to approach their use of time and energy.  One day while reading through a thread on dealing with Fibromyalgia, I noticed a post where the person described their experience by the amount of beans they are given in a day. I appreciated this analogy and have begun using this as a way of determining where I am energy wise on a daily basis. For example, on a standard winter morning, I usually wake up with about 20 beans to spend, and my pain level is around a 6 on a scale of 1-10. In the spring and summer, I have between 25-30 beans, with a pain level of 2 or 3. How do I spend my beans? Well, if I am working that day, I usually spend about 10-15 beans getting ready for work, traveling, working at the office, and traveling back home. This doesn't leave me with much to spare at the end of the day. If I am able to rest during the afternoon, I can sometimes gain back a couple of beans, but since napping at work is usually discouraged :-) I often arrive home feeling pretty exhausted.

The same goes for performance season, attending or teaching classes, workshops, etc... If I know that I have a particularly busy day or weekend coming up, I need to bank my beans the best that I can. Doing so allows me to make sure I have as much energy as possible for performing, or taking/ teaching a workshop. This also means that I need to be very mindful of where I place my energy; only choosing a handful of performance venues per season, and using this same discretion when offering or taking workshops, and classes. This also means that I need to be ever mindful of my boundaries, sometimes having to pass up on performance opportunities that I would have liked to take, or not attending as many classes as I might like, while also scheduling enough recovery time after each performance or class. When I travel for performances (sometimes crossing time zones), I need to take this into account as well. On a daily basis, at any given moment, I am usually focused on how much energy I have at that time, and how much I might need to get through the rest of the day.

Photo credit: Peter Paradise Michaels of RavenWolfe Photography

 I also need to mindful of my boundaries in dance class, and find a way, either publicly or privately to address the topic of injuries and illness with my dance teachers (something that.....admittedly I have not always done).   When I am on the other side of the coin and in the role of dance instructor, I start off every workshop and class session I teach with a sign that says "SAFETY FIRST!"....and yes it is in all caps!  I keep this sign out for the entire workshop and ask students to please watch out for their bodies needs/ unique sensibilities at all times, and not to perform movements if they feel any discomfort or pain. I also request that they tell me if they are experiencing any issues, so we can work together to either modify the movement, or leave it out entirely.

Unfortunately, there are some dance teachers unwilling to take the time to modify movements for dancers with injuries or health problems, so we as students must empower ourselves to state clearly what we are not able to do at a particular time. Having said this, I would hope that if you are a dance teacher and have a student who has stated their specific medical needs, noting difficulty with technique or a movement phrase because of an illness or injury, that as the instructor you would attend to the student's needs, either in class or perhaps a private session. I have witnessed, been the recipient of, and heard anecdotes of dance teachers who have treated their student's limitations with disrespect, and feel that this type of behavior is both unethical and unnecessary.  As teachers it is our responsibility to work with our students, and never bully or belittle them. I also encourage teachers to do some research on the specific medical issue or injury the student is dealing with, so that we have a better informed approach when offering feedback. It's really about respecting the boundaries of our students, and working within a strengths based approach. This means challenging students in a way that is empowering, encouraging them to push past their comfort zone, while still honoring for anatomical and physical differences.

In my therapy practice and in my personal life, I've noticed how difficult it is for many of my clients, family, and friends to say no. It's a tough word to say, as most of us are well intentioned and don't want to have others feel that we are somehow not being supportive of them. But saying no when it means protecting ourselves, our psychic, physical, and emotional boundaries, is an absolute when we are already in a compromised position due to age, injury, or health. "No" is a way of honoring our boundaries and ourselves. The moment that we say yes to something that we know deep inside is not in our best interest, we can usually sense that imposition in our psychic space as a feeling of discomfort in our body. By saying "yes" we allowed for something to cross our boundaries that was not what was best for us at that time. As older, injured, or health compromised dancers we need to be ever mindful of protecting our instrument; our instrument of course, being ourselves, a beautiful, spiritual, emotional being living inside a limited physical form. If we don't protect our physical, emotional, and psychic space, then who will? By empowering ourselves to say no, we are honoring our paths as individuals, as dancers. We must have compassion for ourself and our needs. Having an injury, illness, or age related concerns does not have to affect the quality of our dance, perhaps just the quantity. The more challenges and life experience we have, the more we have to offer our audience. Our strength, power, and humanity shows through whenever we perform. Let's not underestimate our power, or be afraid to assert our boundaries.

For more information on Fibromyalgia you can visit:

https://www.facebook.com/FibroNetwork